At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what the mosquitoes call me and they should know since they’ve nibbled me enough. Yeah, I know we’ve got serious bug-borne illnesses out there and getting bit by skeeters is not something one should boast about. But it’s not boasting, really. Think of it rather as “making a resigned statement about my apparent tastiness while outdoors under certain conditions”—meaning, in the summer, outdoors at all.
What? You can’t protect yourself a little bit better, Ms. Handygal? Awww, maybe. Sure, a little better. But when it’s oven-hot and ferociously sticky and I’m in and out all day long, mending fences, tending poultry, taking out the recycling, unpacking meticulously-selected organic groceries,* hauling my kid to/from day camp/playdates/what have you, it’s a total chore to also have to 1) apply bug repellent, 2) change into long shirt ‘n’ pants, 3) pull on socks (socks? in July???), 4) lace up the Doc Martens and 5) find a wide-brimmed straw hat every time I hafta enter the Lawn Zone.** Maybe it’s me but I tend not to wanna put on the full Hazmat suit every time I go to the mailbox. (Or even every other time.)
And then there’s that bit of official anti-mosquito advice about strictly avoiding the outdoors at dawn and dusk. Great advice except, as a duck owner, dawn and dusk are the busiest times of my day!!! Man, those mosquitoes don’t even have to sneak into our house—here I come, served up on a platter, breakfast and supper!
Look, of course I know I should fiercely guard my skin whenever I leave the house (and please please please don’t follow my example consult your medical practitioner for personal Bug Deterrent Strategies) but I hereby confess there are moments (okay, lots of moments) when I simply, stupidly just don’t. And then a little bell rings.
**And, yup, I look like a total dork.
Note: The so-called “mosquito eater” above is actually a crane fly. Bad news, it doesn’t actually eat mosquitoes. Good news, it doesn’t eat you!
Further eating, I mean, reading:
Copyright 2013, Lori Fontanes