Cats vs. Ducks!

 

When folks find out we have friends both feathered and furred, they often do a double-take.  (Could be they’re merely surprised we have ducks, not sure.)  It’s true that felines, especially the domestic cat, can be just as relentless a predator as your average raccoon but there’s one easy way to take care of that—the cats stay in, the ducks stay out.  (Sorry, girls!)

Here’s a handy-dandy chart to sort out what else they have and don’t have in common:

 

CLAWS:

Cats—yes

Ducks—yes

ASK FOR DINNER:

Cats—yes

Ducks—yes

WILL WAKE YOU UP FOR BREAKFAST:

Cats—meow

Ducks–quaaaaaaaaack

 

COME WHEN CALLED:

Cats—sometimes

Ducks—mostly

LET YOU PET THEM:

Cats—yes if Mama

Ducks—yes if Pamela

CAN FLY:

Cats—no, unless jumping off tall furniture counts

Ducks—ours can only get a foot or so off the ground

 

 

SHED COAT IN SUMMER:

Cats—fur

Ducks—feathers

LAY EGGS:

Cats—no, especially not the male

Ducks—yes, but not their whole lives

USEFUL POOP:

Cats—no

Ducks—you bet

WILL GET INTO CARRIER WITHOUT ASKING:

Cats—only if they’re desperate

Ducks—ditto

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

(Sun)Flower Power

Planted from seed by Pamela.

Weeded with love by Mama.

How many creatures can you see?

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

Things That Go Sting in the Yard

“Ow!” my husband, Andrew, yelped as he inadvertently sliced his thumb while uncorking a bottle of wine.  (Don’t worry—he won’t operate the cheese board.)

“What the…” I saw some blood and grabbed a paper towel.  Later, as I helped him apply the Band-Aid, he worried aloud about decreased tactility, i.e. how would this (very minor) injury impact his BlackBerry usage?

I admit I rolled my eyes.  I might have made a snarkyish comment.  That’s probably when I crossed into… Tempting Fate.

*****

The next day we were approaching week’s end still with a bunch of patient veggies from a copious CSA share.   I went into Mediterranean high gear: tian de courgettes via Elizabeth David and a salsa cruda dip riff on a Chez Panisse recipe.  Finally, with only two eggplants standing, I planned another Alice Waters excursion to the land of summer produce.  After methodically slicing onions and garlic, I warmed them in a luxurious blend of butter and olive oil.  In the fragrant interregnum, I dashed to the deck for fresh thyme where…

…Fate awaited.

As I reached into the herb planter, I brushed across the tops of the basil and… yowl!  Something bit me.  Or scratched me.  What the…?

Not a mosquito.  I know mosquitoes, am often dined on by mosquitoes and this, sir, was no mosquito.  Or spider.  Or bee.  (Ditto and ditto.)  I took a closer look and saw a plant of similar height and vaguely familiar features that I recalled plucking from the soil at the four-leaf stage many times.  The simmering onions and garlic were sending their aromatic “return to stove” message so, distracted—and this is the really stupid part—I grabbed it with my index finger and thumb at the base and tore it from the planter.

“OW!” I yelped as 1) the full-force of the first contact and 2) the second direct infliction of the prickles (which I noticed on the plant even as I fool-heartedly yanked on it), took their toll on my unprotected skin.  Did I mention I was not wearing gloves?  Did I mention I was supposed to be cooking dinner with these same, now very tender digits?

Back inside, I turned off the stove and raced upstairs to the medicine cabinet, pondering the culprit.  Not poison ivy or oak…the leaves were very pointy is that poison sumac?  I should probably go look it up but I didn’t want to touch anything, reference book or keyboard, at the risk of spreading the urushiol.  My only close encounter with poison oak happened years ago in the Southern California canyons.  (Never saw the beastly vine but it sure saw me!)  It took many painful, itchy weeks to heal so I’m very cautious in the underbrush.  But this is my deck planter, not the deep woods!  Where’s Siri when I don’t know I need her?!*

And what the duck was that weed?  Since I’d already tossed it into the pumpkin patch and was certainly not going in after it, I had only a pain-tickled memory of the Bad Seed on which to base a diagnosis.  The more I thought about it, though, it didn’t seem like poison ivy or its nefarious brethren.  That stuff gets you stealthily, it’s only later after you’ve spread it around that you feel the aftermath of its potent kiss.  This thing stung instantly…and kept on stinging.  I flashed on those stories in NY Times Magazine where they try to figure out what’s wrong with a patient using only the clinician’s wits on an array of mysterious symptoms.  But who needs some big city expert?  I called mom.

“Stinging nettle,” she guessed (got it in one word, too– prickles.)  I went “duh” and although I’d never encountered this particular species, I thought I detected a family resemblance to dead nettle, a familiar East Coast bedding plant. Shortly after thanking her, I verified the diagnosis and proceeded to try all the remedies.  Because it still hurt like a…well, it still hurt.

As I dumped our now-ruined dinner and directed my husband to re-heat leftovers, I mused on the weirdness:  How did stinging nettles get in the planter in the first place?  I had bought containers for our edibles precisely so that I could control as many of the inputs as possible: USA-made, untreated wood planters; organic soil; organic plants or seeds; natural fertilizers.  It’s true that I didn’t control the chemical composition of the rain, the sprinklers or the air, but, hey, just give me time!

Do nettles propagate through airborne seeds?** Why aren’t they all over the yard then? (I pick through our flowerbeds from time to time and have never seen ‘em.  I think.)  And these baby nettles, the two to four starter leaves that I’ve been dutifully pulling from the veggie beds, showed up for the first time this year and only in the raised or planter beds.  Which were all filled with potting soil from the same place!

Ah ha!

My satisfaction with mystery-solving lasted about as long as it took me to realize this might be an on-going problem in the raised beds.  So much for maintaining the soil from year to year (and I can’t just dump it into the ornamentals—that would be called out of the frying the pan into the other frying pan!)  Then, later that night as I drifted off to sleep, holding my poor wittle finger on the outside of the sheets, it suddenly occurred to me.

How was I going to post to my blog tomorrow if I can’t type?

 

 

*I hesitate to call this the Revenge of Steve Jobs, Part II, but…

**According to About.com, no.  Rhizomes, underground root system—not good.

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

Summer Reading: Resources for the Suburban Homesteader

 

The corn is tall; the mosquitoes, plenty, the weeds–for the moment– mulched and quiescent.  If you’re lucky enough to have a cool breeze or the air-conditioned equivalent, consider doing what I’m doing, dip into some glossy reference books to figure out what I screwed up and when.  Now don’t get me wrong, there’ve been some successes.  That gorgeous pepper! (One.)  The tomatoes. (Almost.) The couple of servings of bok choy and five blueberries. (So many weeks ago….)

Dig in and learn.  Or, do the other thing that I do, read a bunch of stuff, get inspired, overdo it, forget the lessons learned from overdoing it during the long winter, read a bunch of stuff and repeat.

Or not.*

 

Garden-related:

American Grown: The Story of the White House Kitchen Garden and Gardens Across America; Michelle Obama; Crown Publishers; New York, NY; 2012.**

Grow It, Cook It: Simple Gardening Projects and Delicious Recipes; Jill Bloomfield; DK Publishing; New York, NY; 2008.**

The Kitchen Gardener’s Handbook, Jennifer R. Bartley, Timber Press, Portland, OR, 2011.

What’s Wrong With My Vegetable Garden?: 100% Organic Solutions for All Your Vegetables, from Artichokes to Zucchini, David Deardorff and Kathryn Wadsworth, Timber Press, Portland, OR, 2011.

Wildlife Gardening: how to Bring Birds and Bugs to Your Backyard; Martyn Cox; DK Publishing; New York, NY; 2009.**

 

General interest:

The Dirty Life: On Farming, Food, and Love; Kristin Kimball; Scribner; New York, NY; 2010.

How Carrots Won the Trojan War: Curious (but True) Stories of Common Vegetables; Rebecca Rupp; Storey Publishing; North Adams, MA; 2011

Planet Chicken: The Shameful Story of the Bird on Your Plate; Hattie Ellis; Sceptre; London, UK; 2007.

 

For reference materials on ducks, see blog post here.

 

*Somehow, I think 2013 is going to be the year I learn from my mistakes.  Of course, everything will probably be completely different and I will just make new mistakes.

**With emphasis or section on children & gardens

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

Cyrano de Cucumber

 

It may be too late but I think I might have to play Cupid for my cukes.  In my over-zealous attempt to protect a handful of squirrel-surviving tomatoes, I netted their planter like Christo on a bad wrapping day.  Problem is, it’s the same planter where I’m also growing cucumis sativus L.  It’s true that, a week or so down the road, I still have tomatoes and they are (at last!) ripening (it’s August!) but meanwhile, the cucumber blossoms are snagged and hidden in the predator-proof web.  How can the bees/flies/butterflies get to them?  Back in L.A., I once rescued a hummingbird from similar webbing and swore that I would never use the stuff.  But that was before ducks and squirrels (and it’s not like it’s illegal!) and I have yet to see a hummingbird around here.  (Maybe they’re all trapped in everybody’s bird netting.)

Sigh.

Meanwhile, where are my cucumbers?  And if I wanted to, um, assist them in their normally unassisted acts of pollination, how exactly would I go about that?  Vague drawings from high school (not that class!) passed before my eyes…stamen, pupil, pollen, of course.  I knew, again vaguely, that some plants could self-pollinate and others needed neighboring plants and Carole Deppe (always practical) has some tips on keeping your pumpkins pure of seed by pollinating them yourself and taping them up afterward.  (Bees, et. al. being notoriously promiscuous pollen-spreaders, of course.)  In the case of pumpkins, apparently you get male and female flowers—the males appear first to lure the pollinators to the general area (hey, big bee guy!) and then, the stage set, the candles lit, the iPod playing, the female blossom…okay, I think I need a cigarette.*

But what about my tzatziki?!!!**

My mom (not bragging, just saying) told me last week how much she enjoyed her fresh, home-grown cucumbers in a fresh, home-made cucumber salad, freshly picked from her fresh, fully-ready crop. ***

Grrrr.

It’s probably time to do what I dislike having to do (but end up doing half the time anyway), going on-line and seeing what the parts of a cucumber plant are and then trying to work it out from there.

Of course, I better make sure I clear history on my browser.  Wouldn’t want anyone to know what pictures I was looking at on the Internet!

 

 

*Just kidding.  I don’t even smoke!

**A delicious and healthy Greek dip made with cucumbers.  Of course.

***I guess we could call this cucumber envy but don’t worry I won’t.

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

What I Would Do Differently Next Year (And Why)

We’re not even close to fall harvest but it’s not too early to start making excuses, I mean, start taking stock.  In the hopes of not repeating (too many) mistakes next season, I am publishing my errors so I can look them up on the Internet next year and maybe even correct them.  (Note to self: send reminder email in March.)

Happier beans, under the corn.

 

Plant the beans at least two weeks later than the corn. (When it gets hot, the corn needs to be big enough to shield the baby beans from the heat.)

Plant the corn and pumpkins earlier and the potatoes later.  (The long-season veggies would have been fine starting in late May, not mid-June.  Presuming, similar conditions next year, of course.  The potatoes which started in April are ready now but I don’t have the right storage conditions—September or October would have been better time for harvest.)

 

Varmint leftovers.

 

Cover the sunflowers sooner and take the cover off sooner rather than later.  (Varmints! Weeds!)

Protect the unripe tomatoes from the squirrels.  (Squirrels don’t give a duck about “vine-ripened” tomatoes—they want ‘em NOW!)

 

Trapped tomatoes, safe from squirrels. I think.

 

Plant vegetables that need pollination at the same time.  (If you cover something that needs to be protected in the same area that something else needs critters for pollination, you will not get fruit!)

 

That stick is supposed to be an apple tree.

 

Move the apple trees to a less wet location.  And by “less wet” I mean less than the duck-friendly, bog-like bed that formed after we moved out Sleeping Beauty’s thorn patch and put in ferns and hosta.  (The broken sprinkler head might have had something to do with it.)  (And misjudging how leafy our neighbor’s gorgeous but overarching trees might get.)  Needless to say, no apples this year!*

 

Ugh!

 

Rip out the powdery-mildew-prone lilac bush and plant something else next to the pumpkin patch.  (Because there’s nothing sadder than a pumpkin patch without pumpkins.)

Give the potatoes vines some support.  (Had no idea they would grow quite that big and sprawl quite that much.)

 

Lift and separate, please.

 

Plant more lettuce, carrots and tomatoes.  (Easy, crowd-favorites and now we’re sharing the lettuce with the ducks.)

Assume the ducks will eat any sprouting vegetable plant they can reach.  (Fence the babies early but leave access for weeding.  Tricky if you’re also protecting them from other so-called wild animals.** Will require a skillful mix of attention, wiles and raptoresque vision—not to mention prodigious amounts of bird netting and poultry fencing.)

 

Fences make good duck neighbors.

 

Realize that ducks can jump. (Okay, we’re not talking NBA-ready but high enough that a slightly raised platform is not sufficient height to deter a hungry bird.)***

Consider fencing the deck from the ducks.  (But they’re soooooo cute!  Don’t you just love it when they come to door begging for dinner and/or company?  But you have to clean up after each visit and your water bill is already going to be astronomical this summer so doesn’t a simple fence and gate make more sense???  But they’re soooooocute!!!!)

Can we get them to use a dinner bell instead?

 

 

*Poison or otherwise…oh wait, that’s Snow White, isn’t it?  Or “Enchanted”—my personal fave!

**My mother thinks our well-behaved ducks are gentrified but has she met the ridiculously confident rabbits and feckless squirrels?

***For more amusing and sage advice on ducks and gardens, see Carole Deppe, “The Resilient Gardener: Food Products and Self-Reliance in Uncertain Times”, 2010.

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

Pamela & Her A-maze-ing Ducks

Man, the folks who have those nifty corn mazes…how do they do it?  Between weeding and shooing away varmints, must be a full-time job!   At our baby homestead, Pamela planted all the seeds for the giant sunflowers but since we’re still waiting for actual blooms, I filled in the edges with some display models from the local garden center.  The goldfinches and the squirrels love ’em…*sigh*  Meanwhile, PJ tries to teach the ducks how to use the maze.  Next lesson: Herding cats!

This way, girls.

Keep going…

 

Do I have to do everything around here?

Now what?

This way?

No, this way…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uh, Gladys, we can still see you.

How big are Pamela’s sunflowers? SO BIG!

 

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

Duck, Duck, Duck…Bunny?

Since we already know our ducks have some species confusion about humans (apparently, we’re large, featherless versions of themselves), it didn’t surprise me to see them attempting to engage other local fauna in play.  At least, that’s what it looked like from this mama duck’s perspective!

She said it’s called “follow the bunny.”

 

Like this?

 

Hey, don’t get distracted!

 

Now what?

 

Bunny wins!

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

Before and After: A Photo Journey

And it’s not over yet– two seasons down, two to go!  But first, a look-back to see how far we’ve come.*

BEFORE

Excitement don’t ask.

AFTER:

Inviting (but you can’t see the mosquitoes…!)

BEFORE:

Still dreaming of a pumpkin patch.

IN PROGRESS:

Baby pumpkins early July.

Just a few weeks later…

Spotted just the other day…a baby!**

BEFORE:

Not bad early spring lawn but…

…what if we dug a big spiral in the middle?!!

Ta daaa! Sunflowers! (Flowers still to come.)

BEFORE:

All that wasted space…

Waste not, want not!

BEFORE:

Needs more vegetables.

Step 1: Buy planters and let them sit for a while.

Months later, plant magic beans.

Fee fie foe fum, I smell the…oh nevermind.

You go, cornstalks!

IN THE MOST AMAZING CATEGORY:

From duckling to…

…Mom, can I have the car keys?

 

*Also known as the One Step Forward, Two Steps Back school of suburban homesteading.

** Long way to go before jack-o-lantern status.

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

Lord Love a Duck!

 

Lord love a duck! (also, Lor’ love a duck or Lud love a duck): an expression, possibly of Cockney origin, conveying surprise.  Also a movie with Roddy McDowell (1966).  See Michael Quinion on same.

 

Loveable Duck: Fannie

 

Portrait of a loveable duck: Puff

 

Much-loved duck: Gladys

 

Flying loveable ducks

 

Loveable duck in the mist: Peep

 

Patient loveable ducks

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

A Garden in Midsummer: A Photo Essay

In between thunderstorms, computer repairs and kitchen patrol, the camera calls.  (And I answer…)

 

Squashed blossom.

Still waiting for the Great Pumpkin.

Cucumbers…eventually.

Finally, a fig.

Pumpkin loves corn…too much?

Gladys loves Fannie…and all her sister ducks!

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feathers From Friends: A Few Fotos

A few of my favorite plumes from the girls in the garden.

Look carefully at this Welsh Harlequin contour feather…

Presto, change-o…iridescence!

The iridescence ranges from black to green to blue.

Our Buff’s fashionable blush-colored flight feather.

Cayuga’s delicate semiplume feather.

The Welshies’ offer the most variety–this is semiplume.

How painterly!

Same feather, different background, new details emerge.

A downy one.

 

For more on feathers, general and duck-related:

Feathers: The Evolution of a Natural Miracle; Thor Hanson; Basic Books; New York, NY; 2011.

Storey’s Guide to Raising Ducks; Dave Holderread; Storey Publishing; North Adams, MA; 2011.

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

The Final Frontier

Captain’s Blog,  Stardate 7.18.12  We have encountered something unexpected or maybe not so unexpected.  I am trying not to read too much into the situation but it is, to say the least, unnerving.  Coincidence?  Act of God?  Or, as my chief science officer* suspects, Act of (Steve) Jobs?  As soon as we get something from the technology team, we will know with what we are dealing.  Maybe.  In the meantime, I wait.  And hope…

If you’ve been following this blog in the past week (and if not, read here) you may recall an entry that took a strong (for me) point-of-view about a certain technology company’s recent advertisement.  It was, shall we say, more con than pro.

A brief pause to listen for distant thunder.

OK, so here’s the story.  First thing you should know: I’m writing this on my old, previously-shelved MacBook Pro (circa 2006) not my brand-new iMac, so new it barely had dust on it when I put it back in the box and hauled it to the Genius Bar.**  Second thing you should know:  I posted the mildly inflammatory (!) blog entry on Sunday, July 15th, early in the morning, got a few likes, a comment then went about my busyish day.  A few hours later, the clouds rolled in.  It hadn’t rained, really rained, in many a dusty week.  We craved a good soaking but since this could’ve been another thunder-but-no-rain tease, I scrubbed down the ducks’ pen because it needed it.  (The ducks couldn’t understand why I was inside the pen and they were outside but enjoyed the hose overspray all the same!)  Just as I finished up, we heard the first tropospheric grumbles.  Andrew and I had a dinner date so I hustled the waterfowl to bed a bit early but not a moment too soon.

Rain blitzed the skylight as I ironed off a fancy dress***, slightly wincing at each sonic clap.  After so many years in the desert of L.A., I consider myself, however, someone who likes rain and actually enjoys thunder—from a safe, interior space, that is.  And this was one of those Frankenstein Comes to Life storms: operatic ebbs and flows, flashy, attention-getting.  Still, the houselights flickered only the slightest bit and the microwave and oven declined to go through their Power Outage blink show.  We escaped to the car between downpours and took a convoluted route to the restaurant as we bypassed minor flooding and watched for fallen trees.

A few hours later, I came home and went to check email.  My computer was dead.

Was it on?  Maybe.****  Was it in a surge protector, yes, and everything else on that strip—and all the other electronic devices in the room— were still on and working.  I plugged and unplugged everything then plugged and replugged the computer into various assortments of outlets.  I cried.  I prayed.  I cried some more.  (OK, not real crying, just barely suppressed mental anguish.)  Most of the computer was backed up but there is always—always—something you forgot to back up; it’s axiomatic.  You will have multiple copies of some dumb household correspondence and badly exposed photos from 2004 but not the brilliant phrases you concocted before (super?)natural forces attacked your PC.  I’m not saying it was the caliber of  “Ozymandias” or anything but was this dis on my iPhone ad, ye Blogger, and despair?!*****

Meanwhile, we wait for the call from Apple.  And, since weather.com says expect more T & L today, I’m locking up this laptop away from windows, phone lines and plumbing.

Wouldn’t you?

 

*Andrew, my husband.  Technically more a math guy than a true science guy but it’s hard to get good help in outer space.

**I might make a comment here but dare not.

***Not going to look too swell with galoshes, you’re thinking.

**** FYI, the Apple tech told me that the only thing to do is make sure everything is unplugged, not just off.  I routinely unplug stuff before I leave town but leaving the room?  I DIDN’T KNOW!

*****The aforementioned blog entry references Prometheus.  Maybe it was Zeus who didn’t like that.

 

Captain’s Blog Supplemental: Contacted an inhabitant of Planet Apple and received message regarding the nature of the computer’s affected components.  Contactee stated that “logic board” needed to be replaced…of course!  Have asked Mr. Sulu to chart course to arrive tomorrow morning. Until then, I dare not think further about the contents of the machine.  Which is, as Mr. Spock would agree, only logical.

Stardate 7.19.12, Captain’s Blog Extra-Supplemental:  The landing team restored power–all systems go.  Everything seems to be operating normally.  In addition, we have heard of others in the area who encountered similar problems in the aftermath of the electrical storm.  So clearly we were not the sole target of this phenomenon.  I think.  (What’s that?  Arrrrrgggggh, Bones, hel……………)

NB: The preceding was final entry in recovered document.

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

Quick & Delish: Recipes of Summer

 

 

No one wants to spend a summer’s day cooped up (pardon any inadvertent pun) in the kitchen, standing over the proverbial hot stove (and what was that proverb anyway?)  To that end, we here at What the Ducks! offer some ideas for fresh and delicious meals made with as few ingredients* as possible.  Presenting three easy ways to use some of this season’s most popular crops– no oven, some stove, all tasty.

 

Spaghetti alla California checca (serves 2-3)

I have been trying to replicate this recipe from a dish I ate in Pasadena about 20 years ago.  Yesterday I think I finally nailed it….

Four or five medium Roma tomatoes

At least 5 fresh (this might be the key) garlic cloves minced with knife

Fresh basil (I used purple—it should be a rich basil but not one of the flavored ones) cut in ribbons

Extra virgin olive oil (the tastiest you can get)

Sea salt

Fresh ground pepper

½ lb spaghetti

Parmesan cheese to taste

Prepare spaghetti according to package instructions. Heat about one and a half  tablespoons of olive oil over medium heat then add garlic and sauté about a minute.  Add tomatoes and cook until they just break apart, about another minute or two.  Add salt and pepper to taste.  Turn off heat and stir in basil.  Heap spaghetti into each bowl then immediately pour sauce over each serving.  Offer Parmesan cheese at table but this might be flavorful enough even without.

Note:  The trick with this ultra fast sauce is that you kind of want to have the spaghetti just ready before, not too early because it will get sticky, but not at exactly the same time so that it distracts you from paying attention to your fast-cooking sauce.  You’ll get the hang of it after a time or two.  Heck, it only took me 20 years, right?

 

Leftover Spaghetti with Fresh Herbs

We had a couple of servings of pasta and lots of farmers market herbs sitting around waiting to be eaten so here’s what we did day two:

Already cooked spaghetti

Fresh basil (more purple stuff—it looks so pretty), roughly minced

Fresh Italian parsley, roughly minced

Extra virgin olive oil

Parmesan cheese

I didn’t even use salt and pepper because the herbs were so fresh and the cheese is just salty enough.  Use your own S & P discretion.

Gently reheat the pasta.  Drizzle with olive oil and work into the noodles.  Mix the herbs and sprinkle with cheese.  Voila!**

 

Peaches & Honey with Fresh Basil (serves one—maybe the cook?!)

The name says it all!  Take a dripping ripe peach of the finest flavor (no mealy mass-produced fruit need apply here) slice, discard pit and stem.  Place slices in a serving dish.  Ribbon about 5 medium basil leaves (try purple if you can get it.)  Toss with peaches and drizzle with mild honey.  Tastes like summer!

 

*Important note: Each ingredient needs to be truly delicious in order to pull this off.

**Or whatever that is in Italian.

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

Après le deluge: c’est ducky!

It rained, en fin!  All the pent-up wetness the clouds withheld for weeks.  And after the rain, the photo op:

We know you’re in there!

Happier, duck-protected corn.

Hurry up pumpkins, Halloween is coming…

Ah-ten-SHUN!

Sunny side up.

I feel a disturbance in the force…

Or smell…

Scaredy cat.

One more sunflower…just because.

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

Who’s Afraid of Virginia Creeper?

 

 

If you’re like me—and I’m not saying whether that’s good or bad—in the last 15 years you may have found yourself looking more at digital roses than smelling real ones.  If you answered “yes” to the previous sentence, it’s also possible that sometimes you may have felt a little annoyed/unnerved/impatient/bored with the hot/cold/wet/snowy/sticky/smelly/people-filled/uneven/uncontrollable reality of reality. The real world lacks a “back” arrow, for one.  Or a volume control slider.  Or a master delete button (and let’s hope they’re not working on one!)  In short, the non-digital world is speckled with all kinds of messy things and to me that’s good news.  The bad news is that lack of exposure to this kind of sloppiness* after constant exposure to pristine screens can engender a sort of unease with the outdoors.  (Or even a public bus.)  Hey, is there an app for that?  Apparently, there is.

Apple’s new ad for Siri features a disembodied hand holding the sleekness that is iPhone with a caption reading: “What does poison oak look like?”  Said smartphone in said hand hangs in the air beyond which looms a slightly out-of-focus archetypal woods, shot through with fuzzy sunlight, the hand in the forefront with all the sharp crispness of the gleaming black and silver device in its grasp.**

OK, maybe it’s just me and maybe it’s just this particular ad but I get a little testy when someone suggests you need technology to venture outdoors.  Besides the fact that it could underscore the sort of fears that may contribute to a nature deficit disorder we already have, it’s just a little silly.  All right, it’s supposed to be funny.  (I think.)  Or clever.  But funnier would have been Little Red Riding Hood’s hand with a photo of the Wolf on her iScreen.  Then, at least, we would have been in on the metaphysical joke instead of nodding along thinking, yeah, next time I dare to leave my house I must bring my devices or jeez Louise I might get a rash.  Or worse.

Look, it’s not just Apple.  Full disclosure, you are reading this blog on the Internet, I am typing it on a Mac and, yes, lots of people use technology.  But how?  And how much?  Do we use it or does it use us?  Many tech entities make a ton o’ money selling their stuff as must-haves to folks who’ve managed to get by without them for years [fill in your favorite waste of time app here.]  I humbly submit that kowtowing to the mindset that we cannot exist without gadgetry to guide our steps might be a step too far.  Giving up firsthand experience is giving up firsthand knowledge.  I realize we can’t possibly know everything about everything but abdicating responsibility for what used to be everyday Everyman understanding is playing with fire.*** Starting from the position that don’t worry, you can look up any answer so don’t bother to learn/remember is not really the answer for which I was searching.

Hmm, wonder why my leg is so itchy after I weeded yesterday?

(Just kidding.  I know a mosquito bite when I see one.)

 

*I can lend you my husband if you need a quick reminder. 🙂

**Nameless User also appears to be getting five bars of service even here in the “wilderness”—what provider does he have?  I can’t get two bars at my own house!  But I digress…

*** And look what happened to Prometheus!

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

Lettuce Pray (For More Lettuce): A Photo Essay

 

Nothing beats lettuce on a New York kind of day!

Water, water and plenty of drops to drink.

Keeping an eye out.

Hey, can we eat in peace?

Just feel like flapping.

Water off (and on) a duck’s back.

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

Sitting Duck

“Did you say ‘duck’?” the nice man at the pet-sitting agency asked politely.

“Yes, ducks, plural, we have five,” I think I replied.  He didn’t hang up.  I breathed a sigh of relief.

As it turns out, mine was not the only call for “exotic” pet care that day.  Apparently, some lady in Manhattan acquired a potbelly pig and beat me to the Weird Call of the Day Award.  So when I anxiously dialed the 800 number, the fellow who answered didn’t miss a beat when I told him we had a bunch of backyard ducks that needed sitting.  Well, not sitting exactly.  They could handle that part on their own.  More like feeding, watering and hosing down their pen.  Hmm, ducks.  Where are you exactly?

We’re in lovely, leafy suburban Westchester County, New York, where you’re more likely to find dachshunds than ducks, poodles than Pekins but like all clichés, this one is not as true as you’d think.  In fact, we’re close to exurban areas of both Connecticut and New York and there are plenty of poultry aficionados nearby–the pet supply stores carry lots of chicken feed so they must be feeding someone’s birds!*

When we first ordered the ducks back in January, my husband murmured something about “what are you going to do when you go out of town?” but I pooh-poohed the problem.  To be absolutely honest, I was a tad uneasy but having so much else to think about—from fencing to feeding—I filed it under “future issue.”  And now the future is here, or, a couple of weeks ago, it was.  That was when I realized that staying home and keeping the girls company all summer (as amusing as that might be!) wouldn’t fly with the rest of my family.  They/we had existing commitments, reservations, graduations, mosquito-avoidance schemes, frequent flyer miles to spend…in short, we had vacation plans.  I love my ducks but there are limits.** And the limits did not include giving them unlimited free-range day and night.  We needed a reliable, capable, flexible human but where would I find such a friend of fowl?

In the beginning, I had airy notions of bonding with other fans of the feathered, swapping bird-sitting duties or trading eggs for care, that sort of thing.  I told people I could check out 4-H, Meetups, even crash an Audubon Society shindig or two.  But once we got going and I realized how much of a commitment this would be—getting the girls in/out of the pen at certain times of the day, keeping their areas clean, possibly even pushing that coop/pen structure around—I realized this was more than I could ask from a friend or neighbor.  (That is, if I still wanted them to be friends and friendly neighbors!)

My next laudable scheme involved calling our fabulous animal hospital and floating the idea by them.  They had a kennel service but it didn’t (normally) extend to farm animals, especially not a whole flock of teenaged waterfowl.  (And most of their patients didn’t provide breakfast daily—hmm, that might be a selling point…)  So when that didn’t pan out, I got back on-line and perused the various Craigslist-style options but worried about the casual structure and the almost guaranteed non-poultry experience aspects of the arrangement.  Plus, at this point–the ducks were just about 2 months old–I had no idea what to expect.  Or even what to ask for.  They were still in my garage when I started the research so I wasn’t entirely sure what their ultimate needs would be when they actually lived outside 24/7.  I had one (webbed) foot still in their starter pen and one in the backyard coop.  Awkward, to say the least.

Then, my search engine actually coughed up something useful.  A company in Texas offers locally-managed, reliable, bonded, insured professionals with email/voicemail/on-line billing, in short,  21st century technology for All Your Pet Sitting Needs.  Sounds like my kind of peeps.

On the appointed orientation day (yes, they scheduled a session to go over everything one-on-one, very reassuring), Chuck (not his real name) rolled up in a big, black pickup truck, on time and at the right place.  (He saw the big yellow “Duck Xing” sign on the mailbox and figured it out!)  Since he had never sat ducks, I had never hired someone to sit ducks and the ducks had never been sitted (help, grammar check!), there was a lot of  “start with two scoops and see what they eat,” “hose it down as needed could be once, could be twice a day,” “check for predator activity—if they leave a business card, let me know” — that sort of thing.  I felt soothed by his capable, laid-back manner and felt as calm as a new duck mom could feel knowing she had to leave her babies under a stranger’s care for 3 ½ days, a scant week after letting them sleep outside for the first time.

Of course, this didn’t stop me from giving the sitter a detailed print-out of all the things I thought I forgot plus all our contact info and a cheery thanks from everyone, with the ducks’  names individually listed (as if that would be useful in an actual poultry emergency….)

And then, at last, departure day arrived.  I packed up the car, checked the stove, locked the doors, locked the windows, checked the stove again, set the alarm and drove off, the eerie robot voice of the GPS overlaying the backup whine of my SUV.

Luckily, the girls were in the backyard and didn’t see me leave.  Someone surely would have cried and I don’t think it would’ve been Peep.***

 

Stay tuned for the next thrilling episode when Mama Actually Makes It Down the Driveway Without Turning Back!!!

 

*Pamela and I met some locals sorting through poultry fencing options at our nearby Home Depot.  Been there, bought that!

**I guess I love my vegetables slightly less; they did much worse without me.  *Sigh*

***Or Gladys or Puff or Bonnie or Fannie.

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

A Moveable Coop*

 

Then there was the hot weather.

It was a good coop–strong, neat, able to protect and it had a place where the air could flow through and the ducks would like it when winter came after the leaves fell and then the snow.  But not now, not in this heat that weighed on men and birds and all things that live and walk or waddle.

We gave the ducks much water to drink and to wash and to swim in and we sprayed them with the hose, cold and good water, and they liked it and they splashed.  Their tails wagged like dogs, the droplets stood on their backs and we felt young.

But the place where they slept needed to be clean and so it needed water, too, to keep them safe but also tough, in gut and feather.  The coop had a pen, a long pen, long enough for five ducks and it sat on a strip of grass, ten feet and more when you added the coop.  And it had wheels, for moving the pen to new, fresh grass, every few days.  The ducks liked their pen.  They liked the grass.  They liked to move.  And there is never any ending to the moving.  It is good to move and it is different to every duck on every day and every move.  To be young and loved and a duck in a yard in the summer, in a pen, in the heat.  This is how it is when you have ducks and grass and food and water.

And a moveable coop.

*With apologies to fans of Mr. Hemingway and Paris…or Woody Allen, for that matter!

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes

A Duck for All Reasons

If you think you know what you’re doing…get a duck.

If you think you don’t laugh enough…get a duck.

If you think your child will never stop looking at screens…get a duck.

If you think your husband will never pick lettuce…get a duck.

If you think you miss being a new parent again…get a duck.

If you think you don’t really want a nice lawn after all…get a duck.

If you think you have too many hours in your day…get a duck.

If you think you spend too little money on your pets…get a duck.

If you think you need to clean up more poop, more feathers and more poopy feathers…get a duck.

If you think you’d like to be followed around by adorable feathered creatures that make sure you know when they’re hungry or lonely, who greet you with excited quacks and hang out on the patio at your feet…please, by all means, get a duck.*

 

*If, however, you’re looking for someone who occasionally wears fancy clothes, probably owns an estate and answers to a king or queen…get a duke.   (Can’t help you there!)

 

Copyright 2012, Lori Fontanes