Back at the Pet Supply Store*

Standing in line, I notice that the woman in front of me has a bag of “duck chews” and, fuzzy-headed me, I think, how interesting, I didn’t realize ducks could “chew” per se and then finally it dawns on me as I lean a bit closer and read over her shoulder, they are dog chews MADE of duck. Oh, of course.

Now the average non-duck-owning person would probably not go any further with this because, naturally, their eyes do not alight on the outline of a duck on a pet food bag and think, hmm, that might be something for my duck, what is it? So those folks would not do what I did. Which is, as jovially as possible in said situation say, hey, I was just noticing your pet food bag is not really for ducks, it’s for dogs, right? Because, you see, I have five ducks at home and it struck me kind of funny…..

The poor woman—animal lover, clearly—looks at me, looks at the bag, reads the bag, sees that the bag is full of food made of animals just like my pets and she is horrified. I try to laugh it off and say, oh, it’s okay. Really. I mean people eat ducks, right? (Not me.) I mean, we all eat chicken, right?

Awkwardly, she’s still upset and I can’t say I particularly blame her. She apologizes to me and then tells me to apologize to the ducks when I get home. And we’re both attempting to get through this moment of duck-chew-buying guilt and I start apologizing for even bringing it up and luckily, she finishes her transaction and it’s my turn.

Of course, our cars are right next to each other in the parking lot.