Other bloggers have made comedic hay out of the frequently bizarre, often misspelled word combinations that searchers use to find their websites.  A quick glance at a blog’s stats page will generally yield at least one truly odd phrase that some poor soul typed in to find it.  To get to What the Ducks!, for example, browser-users entered:

puffy duck in real life
ducks will not come out o her pen
my ducks are digging holes

So far, so reasonable, right?  Then it gets weirder.  Thanks to the wide-ranging nature of this duck blog, apparently I’m now expert on:

wild animal marks on grass
what animal dug hole in my yard
animals that tear up lawns
what is eating my lawn
animal eating my lawn
ducks are eating my lawn seed
rabbit kiddie pool cage setup
what the rabbit eats what they hates
how to dehydrate bok choy

Some things they searched for that I really don’t want to know anymore about:

ducks vs. cats in chinatown
how to cook a duck in a big easy

Then there are phrases that going to my site is sure to disappoint:

i know everything about men
the planet only have ducks?
giant egg cracking theme day for children

And the Number One weird search string of 2012:

when mama said the god of thunder made a rain shower, what did she mean?*


Well, the truth is since my site stats are hardly Lady Gaga-esque, I’m completely thrilled that people stop by no matter how convoluted their data entry.  Meanwhile, there was only one search phrase that truly gave me pause:

where to go aet** duck in Westchester


If this means someone’s looking to nibble Puff, Peep, Bonnie, Fannie or Gladys, may I firmly suggest they search this phrase first:





*But now I’m really curious.
** If “aet” means eat that’s not just [sic] it’s sick!
***Did you expect me to say, “Just bring the hot sauce?”


NOTE TO FELLOW BLOGGERS: If you want to share any of your wacky (but please keep it family-friendly!) search strings, feel free to send me a comment or a link to your own stories for consideration.


Copyright 2013, Lori Fontanes